As a Black woman traveling alone in Thailand, I expected temples, massages, and a slower pace of life. What I didn’t expect was how much I’d learn from Thai women — in conversations that crossed not just culture, but race, womanhood, and the way we each move through the world.

I came to Thailand expecting temples, massages, and a slower pace of life. What I didn’t expect was how much I’d learn from the women I met here — in restaurants, in massage studios, over coffee, and sometimes in the most unlikely conversations. Thai women have surprised me, and not in the ways people imagine when they picture “the Land of Smiles.”

Lunch, and the Weight We Carry

One afternoon over a simple lunch, a Thai woman, who is now a new friend, opened up to me about her dreams for the future. At first, I wasn’t sure how to respond. Money can be such a delicate subject between new friends.

I chose honesty, but led with compassion. I told her I could see why she carried those hopes and worries, and that in my own way, I carry them too.

There's a lot of pretense in the U.S., where life often looks shiny from the outside, but underneath, many of us are weighed down by debt, exhaustion, and the pressure to keep going without pause. I admitted that what gets called the “American dream” can feel more like survival than success.

In that moment, we were just two women telling the truth and breathing easier.

What She Taught Me About Truth

Then there was the younger Thai woman who spoke with refreshing directness. She shared openly that she was bisexual and that a close family member was a ladyboy. For the first time, I found myself in a real conversation about sexuality outside my heterosexual lens. It was enlightening.

She explained that while many families in Thailand show acceptance toward LGBTQ identities, government support doesn’t always follow. She shared how a family member, as a ladyboy, still can’t legally change her gender on official documents. She then said how different it was during her travels in the Netherlands, where legal recognition of gender and same-sex marriage is much more accessible..

It wasn’t about shock or performance. She was simply being herself—open and unguarded. In that moment, I realized that honesty is not just about saying the truth. It’s about being ready to receive someone else’s true self with respect. 

Not a Good Buddhist

When I asked another woman if she was Buddhist, she nodded and said with a smile, “Yes, but not a good Buddhist.”

That humility struck me. She wasn’t dismissing her faith. She was admitting that she’s human. She doesn’t meditate every day or follow every precept perfectly, and she wasn’t ashamed to say so.

I told her I understood, because many Christians would say the same. I was raised in a Christian household, and what she described is something I’ve seen in that faith too—people doing their best, sometimes falling short, and still holding on to their beliefs.

Her words carried a quiet wisdom: sometimes the most spiritual thing isn’t striving for perfection, but admitting you fall short. 

Surprises on the Table

Thailand is famous for its massages, but no one warned me how surprising they could be.

One masseuse startled me mid-session by offering to massage my breasts. She said it with the same calm tone someone might use to ask if I wanted more tea. To her, it was ordinary. To me, it was an unexpected jolt. I declined gently, and the session moved on without pause.

I realized she wasn’t being inappropriate. She was simply treating the body as a whole, without the taboos I brought with me. For her, it was health. For me, it was a reminder of how much culture shapes what we see as natural or strange.

Another masseuse turned the session into something entirely different: a Spanish class. She had mentioned teaching herself Spanish, and I mentioned spending time in Mexico. She asked if we could practice together. So there I was, stretched out on the table, conjugating verbs while she worked the knots out of my shoulders.

In that small, unexpected moment, two women from opposite sides of the world were both fumbling through conjugations. By the time I left, I felt looser in my body and a little sharper in my Spanish vocabulary. 

Searching for Kindness, Everywhere

In another conversation, a woman told me that while some older foreign men chase younger Thai women to control or take advantage of them, her hope was simply to meet a kind man.

When she said she just wanted kindness, I thought about Black women back home. How we are often expected to be tough, or to settle for less. Kindness feels universal, but also radical, when so many of us are used to carrying weight without it.

We talked about how it doesn’t matter where you live, what language you speak, or what culture you come from. The longing is the same: to find someone who treats you with care, not control.

Her hope reminded me that no matter where we live, women everywhere are tired of being controlled. What we want isn’t complicated: kindness, respect, and someone to meet us as an equal.

What I'll Carry Forward

What moved me most was that these women weren’t afraid to go beyond small talk. Their conversations were about money and struggle, about faith and failure, about sexuality and family, about bodies and boundaries, about curiosity and courage.

Like women everywhere, Thai women aren’t the stereotypes you find in glossy brochures. They are practical, bold, humble, curious, funny, and endlessly human. Each conversation reminded me that at our core, women across the world want the same things: respect, love, safety, laughter, and a gentler way of life.

I came to Thailand thinking I’d learn about temples, food, and culture. What I’ve found instead is that womanhood, in all its layers—Thai, Black, immigrant, expat, faithful, flawed—speaks a common language. And being here as a Black woman has sharpened that truth for me in ways I’ll carry long after I leave.